is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
