My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
