I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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