Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
