I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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