Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That accounts for only three of the penises
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
