I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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