just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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