a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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