I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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