How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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