Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
