My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
