Everything about him screamed your future.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
