I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
