I just saw a hot homeless man
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
