"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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