What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
