I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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