a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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