saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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