I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
