First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
