we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
