Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
