I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
