yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
