turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
