can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
