Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
