I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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