i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am naked and annoyed.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
