Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
