I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
