My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.