Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dating After Heartbreak
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.