my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
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You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
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Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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