I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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