All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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