youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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