Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
