Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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