trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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