the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
