I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
