You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
