If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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