Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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