Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
