If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
