You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.