She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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