Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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