i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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