problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
