ya dads aren't the best wingmen
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
