Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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