I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
