can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You need a sexual gate keeper
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
