I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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