She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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