Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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