Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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