I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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